Her comforting eyes come back to me while her expression turns to worry. Okay, so how are you feeling about going back?
I plop down on the couch next to Jackie before signing, I’m nervous, excited, scared all rolled into one.
I’m sure you are, but all will be fine. I’m going to go get ready now so we can be on our way. She takes one last sip out of her cup that was sitting on the coffee table. She stands, takes it in the kitchen and washes it out, then heads to the bathroom. I stay seated, throwing myself back on the couch. I huff out a big breath, and think about what today will bring.
By 8:00 a.m. we are boarding the plane to take us home. It’s been one year since I left and came to New York, which was the second biggest mistake I ever made. My number one was leaving Writer. I’ve missed him every single day that I’ve been gone. I also miss Wichita and my family, both families.
I still think of the Satan's Sinners as my family, as I should, considering my twin sister Zoey is going to be married to their president, Hanger. I haven't talked to any of the guys since I left, the only people I have spoken to are Zoey and my parents.
I asked them not to mention Writer because it’s too hard for me, thinking about if he’s moved on, if he still loves me, or what happened to him after I left. He never leaves my thoughts or my dreams though, he’s always inside my head, plaguing it with memories.
When I was at the airport to leave for New York, I hoped that he would’ve had a change of heart or at least come after me, but he didn't. We had that one fight before I left and didn’t have anything to do with one another for that whole week before I left, but I thought two years would’ve been more important to him. I tried to get him to come with me and I never wanted to break up, so I felt like it was up to Writer to make things right with me. When he didn’t, I was so angry and hurt that on my way into the plane I threw my phone into the trash and got a new one when I got to New York.
I was promised a fashion design job with a furnished apartment to live in, that’s why I came here. That’s not at all what I got, except for the place to live. They also knew I was hearing impaired beforehand, so they allowed me to bring Jackie.
She’s been my lifeline to say the least and has been my interpreter since I started elementary school. Her children grew up, moved away, and her husband died about five years back. Needless to say, she had no problem packing up and leaving. I wanted her to take this journey with me and she was more than happy to go. I'm happy she did come with me, I wouldn’t have been able to do this without her.
Once we were settled and started in the company, we soon comprehended that they lied to me. I stuck it out for as long as I could, but the job I was promised never came. What did happen was I became the gopher to all the other designers and I asked on several different occasions when I would start designing, but they kept repeating the same story.
Now, after a year, I’m ready to go home and Jackie is too. She had it out with a few people on more than one occasion over how I was being treated. She tried telling them that this wasn't what I signed up for, but they said all the beginners have to start at the bottom. I was a beginner, no doubt, but I was top of my class and I think I did enough of the dirty work for them to get what I deserved. If it wasn't for Jackie, I would have never known, and since I hate confrontation, she is always my backbone.
We step onto the plane, taking our seats, and I have butterflies swarming in my stomach. Even though I know how much of a mistake it was to leave, I'll never be sorry I went. If I would’ve stayed, I would have always wondered if I missed out on something. I think I would’ve resented Writer and regretted not going for the rest of my life. Now, I know for sure where I belong. I'll have no doubts and that is a good feeling to have.
I sit in the window seat and gaze outside, waiting for the plane to take off. When we get into the air, I look down at the huge city that looks so small now. Heading home has me lost in my head until I feel a tap on my arm. I look over to Jackie.
We're about to land, sweetheart. I give her a nod as my anxiety kicks up a notch at how close I am to seeing him again. You look even more nervous now. You have to calm down, Ever. Her motherly nature comes out as she rubs up and down my back trying to relax me.
I don't even know if he’s going to want to see me. I think my courage and confidence stayed back in New York.
I don't know either, but I hope everything works out for you. I love how she doesn't try to sugar coat shit.
Thank you, Jackie.
Once we’re off the plane with our bags, Jackie calls for a cab. We collect our bags from baggage claim then wait for our rides to show up. When the cab driver pulls up to the curb in front of us, Jackie walks over as he gets out. She hands him some money and tells him where he needs to take me. The taxi driver loads my bags into the trunk of the cab and Jackie hauls me in for a hug. When we pull away, I sign, Are you gonna be okay?