“Can we go upstairs and talk?” he asks. I can hear the apprehension in his voice. I’m not sure why I feel bad for him, but I do. He brought this on himself.
I shrug my shoulders in reply. It’s the best I’ve got. I don’t want to listen to his explanation, but I need to hear his reasons for doing something so incredibly selfish and irresponsible. On the other hand though, it’s plain to see how much he adores his children, so I’m sure this wasn’t a decision he took lightly.
Turning and tucking me under his arm, he leads me across the street. I know in time I’ll probably be able to get past this, but not right now. It’s too fresh.
When we enter the apartment, he seats me on the sofa before kneeling down in front of me. I bow my head. I can’t bring myself to look him in the eye at this moment. I know it’ll break me.
“I’m sorry, Indi,” he says, stroking his hand gently over my hair before placing a soft kiss in its place. “I honestly thought I was doing the right thing. I couldn’t chance losing you again.” Hearing the desperation in his voice makes the tears rise to my eyes again. I can understand his way of thinking and I appreciate the sentiment behind his words, but it still doesn’t justify the way he went about it. “Please say something.”
I have plenty to say, but the words don’t seem to come. “Just give me some time, Carter. I need to process all of this.” I go to stand, but he grabs my arm.
“Please don’t walk away from me. I thought I was doing the right thing for all of us. The kids and I would be nothing without you. When I spoke with the doctor at the hospital, we had two options: you getting your tubes tied, or me getting the snip. There was no way I was going to let you go through another procedure.” My heart melts when he says that. I love how he cares for me, but there’s more to this, a hell of a lot more. I’ve been deceived by the person I trusted the most.
Finally I make eye contact with him. The devastation I see on his face breaks my heart, but that’s exactly how I feel, broken. Fucking heartbroken. “It’s not necessarily what you did, Carter, it’s more the way you went about it.” With that I stand. I need some space. I need to wrap my head around this bullshit. “Just give me some time to digest this revelation of yours.” I’m sure the venom in my voice doesn’t go unnoticed.
This time he lets me walk away, but I hear him sigh as I do. I hate that I’m upsetting him, but what did he expect … that I’d be thrilled? Ummm, no.
I make my way into our bedroom. My head is pounding. I need to shower and lie down. When I open the top drawer of my dresser, tears rise to my eyes again. Sitting on top is the sexy lingerie I bought for tonight. I purchased it while he was away because I knew he’d love it. So much for our alone time. So much for our hot and heavy sex romp. I had such high hopes for tonight, but now, thanks to my butthead of a husband, it’s all ruined.
I leave the lingerie where it is and grab a pair of pyjamas instead. Slamming the drawer shut, I head into the bathroom and lock the door behind me.
I can’t bear to see her like this. It’s fucking killing me. I wait a minute or so before I follow her into the bedroom. We rarely fight, so I can’t stand the fact she’s angry at me. Granted I deserve it, but I still don’t like it. I pray she can forgive me. I did this because I didn’t want to lose her. Now that very reason might backfire in my face.
When I hear the shower running, I have to control the urge to go in there. She said she needed time, so I guess I need to give it to her. It’s the least I can do, I suppose. Stripping out of my clothes, I pull my pyjama bottoms on before climbing into bed to wait.
It’s a good thirty minutes before Indiana exits the bathroom. She never takes that long. I guess she was stalling to avoid facing me. I fucking hate that. I smile at her when she approaches, but unfortunately it’s not reciprocated. I lift the blankets for her when she’s standing beside the bed, so she can climb in, but I’m taken aback when she snatches the pillow from her side and turns abruptly, leaving the room.
Fuck. I’m in deep shit.
I toss and turn for hours waiting for her to return, but logic tells me that’s not going to happen. She must be sleeping in one of the boys’ beds. Eventually I get tired of waiting, so I toss the blankets aside and go searching for her. She can ignore me all she wants, but regardless of whether she’s talking to me or not, she belongs in our bed beside me. Period.
I find her curled up in Levi’s bed. My lips curve up as I stand there for a few minutes watching her sleep. Her beauty still overwhelms me. Bending over, I pull back the blankets before scooping her into my arms.